What did your mother say that made your jaw drop?

She said, “Oh no I can’t give you our tickets, if we can’t go, well we don’t go - it is just not done to give away final tickets.”

So I said to my sister “ You mean to say that that you leave two empty seats rather than give them to your brother” I replied in astonishment. - “Well yes thats how it works in our circle!” responded my sister.

About 30 years back, I was speaking with my mother.

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What on earth has brought this on, said my mother?

What! how could you do that?

Well the other day she came into my shop asking for the usual discount and mentioned that she had tickets for the wimbledon Tennis final but couldn’t go.

If everyone in Russia dropped into holes in the ground only never to return, would that be good for NATO and international peacekeepers? Can we convince Russians to be less diabolical, so they coexist? Does Putin stink like doo doo in the commode?

Do you know what she said mum?

“Mum why is my sister such a bitch!”

“Oh come off it mum what would be the point?”

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Well she is so snotty, O.K. she may have married a bit of money, I don’t know but she feels she is above everybody else.

My mother said to me “ Why didn’t you speak to me about this before”

Well I slept with the president of the Lawn tennis Association year ago, I think he may have remembered!!

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True - how I loved my mum!

What do you mean son?

Oh I said, can my wife have them she would give her right arm to see a Wimbledon tennis final?